Monday, March 21, 2011

If You Seek, He Will Speak.

Singapore, May 2011 • © phoebe.gil

It’s been a year since I last went to Singapore, my second favourite country next to Japan. When I got home from the airport, I remember telling myself, “I’m definitely going back there to work and to earn for my  family.” There was so much determination in me, not until the end of 2010. Things started to change. I no longer wanted to leave the country because of one particular reason, or perhaps one particular person. Eventually, around Dec 2010, God had to break me when things were getting out of hand. I went beyond my limitations or beyond God’s instructions. I thought I was smart enough (or spiritually strong enough) to make decisions, thinking that my quiet time was enough to know God’s will. God had to break me for me to realize how much I was making a big mistake. But I am forever grateful. If it wasn’t for the heartbreak, I wouldn’t be led to do the 7-day Prayer and Fasting (at the start of 2011), which I would consider a turning point of my life. Well, ANOTHER turning point of my life. Indeed, God will break you for you to fall in love with Him all over again. Through the 7-Day Prayer and Fasting, I learned how to seek God with all my heart. Like, I can’t leave home or start my school works without praying or reading the Bible. Not to mention, the GCF Youth L.I.V.E. Bible 365 Campaign just started at that time, which helped my heart to be more devoted in reading the Bible. It didn’t bother me if I was reading more than 20 chapters everyday, because I was really enjoying it. I’ve never been so patient and passionate in reading His Word, and I thank Him for giving me a heart like this.

 It was after reading Deuteronomy 34 (The Death of Moses) that I noticed a change of faith in me. I’m a big fan of The Apostle Paul, and my favourite book in the Bible is Colossians. But right now, I could say that I’m really in love with Moses. He’s such a faithful and a humble servant of God! The way God spoke to him is what really amazed me! It’s just so awesome to be able to speak to God in the way Moses spoke with Him. After reading Deuteronomy 34, I prayed this prayer from the bottom of my heart:

“Dear Lord. I thank You for the life of Moses. If only prophets still existed now. I know it would be totally weird to ask You to make me one, but it would be really cool to be like Moses and Miriam. I want to be what a prophet is. Please speak to me the way you spoke to Moses. Well, not face to face, coz I know I’ll die. But speak to me, in a way that I would clearly know what You are saying. I’ve done so many stupid things because I misinterpreted Your Word. Please give me faith like Moses'. I really want to follow Your commands and be the Christian You want me to be.”

A week after that prayer, I listed down all my prayer requests and concerns before starting with my Quiet Time. I'd write down all the passages that somehow answered my prayer requests. Here's what happened i my awesome “encounter” with Him.

Singapore, May 2011 • © phoebe.gil

NOTE: I’m using a Zondervan Women’s Devotional Bible, so it had different devotional entries on it.

Wednesday: March 2, 2011
Prayer Concerns:
1. Where will I stay after my graduation?
2. I want to work in GCF to help the Youth Ministry but my parents want me to stay with them in Singapore.

"The Lord said to Abram. Leave your country, your family, and your relatives and go to the land that I will show you. I will bless you and make your descendants into a great nation. You will become famous and be a blessing to others." - Genesis 12:1-2

* Hebrews 10:39 – 12:2 (Faith)
* Joshua 3 (Israel Crosses the Jordan River)
* Psalm 119: 97-112
* Exodus 13:17 – 14:31(Crossing of the Red Sea)
* Psalm 106: 1-12
* Joshua 4:1-7; Exodus 3:14-15; Psalm 72:11-12 and 78:5-8 and 145:4-5

In my heart, I knew it was Singapore. It felt like it was. But then I was told that God may be telling me to pursue a career outside ministry or my comfort zone. 

God spoke to me again a week after. It was during our Youth Service, wherein P. BJ Sebastian was our guest speaker. His message actually encouraged me a lot! It was about the Israelites' Crossing of the Jordan River. He mentioned that if we want our faith to grow, we must pray and study His Word. I know that’s what I’m doing and God knows that too.

“God already has a promise for you. All you have to do is to cross that river. Cross that step of faith and claim it.” – P. BJ Sebastian

Thursday: March 10, 2011
Prayer Concerns:
1. If Singapore, how long? I don't want to leave GCF Youth LIVE.
2. If Singapore, why? It would be hard for me to profess my faith, knowing that Christianity is just a minority in that country.
3. How will I know that it is really You who is speaking to me?

"So Joshua said to the Israelites: “How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your ancestors, has given you? ........Go and make a survey of the land and write a description of it. Then return to me, and I will cast lots for you here at Shiloh at the presence of the Lord.” Joshua 18:3, 8

"So the Lord gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their ancestors, and they took possession of it and settled there. The Lord gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their ancestors. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the Lord gave all their enemies into their hands. Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled." - Joshua 21:43-45

"For a long time now—to this very day—you have not deserted your fellow Israelites but have carried out the mission the Lord your God gave you. Now that the Lord your God has given them rest as he promised, return to your homes in the land that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you on the other side of the Jordan. But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul. Then Joshua blessed them and sent them away, and they went to their homes." - Joshua 22:3-6

"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures,which are able to m ake you wisefor salvation through faith in Christ Jesus." -2 Timothy 3:14-15

As of now, it is BY FAITH that these things will happen. May it be Singapore or outside ministry. I’m still trying to understand it. But one thing I do know, God has a plan for me. He has a PERFECT plan for me. I just need to be brave enough to follow what He’s saying. BY FAITH, I will do this. If it happens, then I’ll know that it is really His will, and may He be glorified by it. If it is Singapore, why not visit the country and really "explore" it right? I know I used to be a person who lacked in faith. I guess that's the reason why I get vague answers from Him. Perhaps this is an opportunity that God has given for me to deepen my faith. I really don't know what to do, but GOD KNOWS DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART that I really want to learn more about Him and His Word, and that I really want to change. 

So if you’re reading this, please pray with me. I need your prayers.
* Thank God for this change of heart and for giving me another chance to go back to Him
* That I would have a faith that will follow Him, even if I have to sacrifice things close to my heart
* That my passion to read and LEARN His Word would go on
* That I may love God more and more and more

I also pray and hope that God will somehow reach to you through this blog entry. Thank you for your future prayers for me. I thank God for you. Always know that if we truly seek God, He will answer us and help us. God bless you and your heart.